Ruthie Thee Truth Guides Dads and Grads to Financial Wellness | Ep. 329

You know what it is. That's right. It's time to talk money with your money

nerd and financial coach. Now, tighten those purse strings

and open those ears. It's the money talk with Tiff

podcast.

Hey, everyone. I am so excited because I have Ruthie, the truth on

the line. Ruthie, the truth on the line. And she's one of my

cousins. Y'all know how we do around here. But I wanted to have

her on because she's the author of the Wheel of Life workbook, and she helps

dads and grads with their financial situations, so.

Hey, Ruthie, how are you? Hello,

Tiffany, and good morning.

Come on, boys and grads. Yes, I had to pull

it through. You know, and it came right on through.

Hallelujah. But I wanted to have you

on because you focus on dads, which, being in this

space, I have not seen many people focusing on the fellas.

And so I was like, let's have a conversation around. Around

what that looks like and how you help these dads and grads

get their financial life in order. So, to start, first of

all, I can already imagine how difficult

it might be for these dads to even reach out to

you. So, what are some things that you have seen

be a roadblock or something that they say, oh,

I almost didn't reach out to you because of this. What are some things that

you've seen? So, yeah, I'm so glad you asked that question, because

one thing I've noticed in doing this line of work, especially with the

dads and even the male graduates that are not necessarily

fathers, is that there are a lot

of emotions that they go through internally,

and they don't have

a safe space. Right. That they can come,

you know, that they can resort to a lot of the times they don't want

to tell women what they're going through

financially because they have been trained and brought up

that into

with the beliefs system of that

being equivalent to weakness. So they consider

themselves. They've been taught that if they express themselves to women

or if they communicate to women, it's like we are the

enemy, and we are only going to use these

very emotional and vulnerable times in their life

to break them down and make them feel like they are

weak as a man because they are not in a position to

provide and even to protect, because, you know, protection,

it costs money to be able to

sufficiently protect your family and your loved ones

or your significant other, even if they're not a dad.

So that is one

unique quality that makes them

ultimately reach out to me even when they don't, like,

they'll actually tell me, like, yeah, exactly what you just said. Like, I almost didn't

reach out to you, but they usually

either hear me talk on a podcast similar to yours,

or they just. They tap into my wheel of life Wednesdays on my

instagram live, and they just watch

me interact with other people that tune in.

And most importantly, they

are able to feel led by

my leadership of transparency when it comes to

the mental health side of finance, because that

is where I focus. So the starting point

is always in your mind, because your mindset is so important. And I know

you know this already, but, you know, for the listeners out there,

money. The first numbers that you need to learn when it comes

to money is, on a scale of one to ten, how you

are feeling about each of the eight major

categories in life that are both directly impacted

by your mental health, both your mental health and your

finances, which is what I have here in the

wheel of life workbook. That's what I publish. And. Okay. Cause

I'm like, oh, where do I want to go with this? And I want to

go to, what are these eight categories

that people need to be rating themselves, one through ten?

Yes. So the eight major categories, because, like I was

telling somebody else, life is complicated enough, so I found a way to simplify

it. So these eight simple categories are health.

Right. Which is divided into subcategories. Mental health and physical

health. Somebody told me that, so I was like, okay, I gotta add that in

the dads and grads edition of the Wheel of Life workbook.

So there's mental health, physical health, there's

family, friends, fun

or recreation, entertainment, whatever you want to call it,

romance, their love life, personal growth,

their career, and their education.

Yes, I can definitely see how all of those can impact your

finances and your emotional well being. So,

okay, now that we got that out the way, because I was just curious, and

I know my audience wants to let me back up a little bit,

because on the social media end, you know, you see all

of these posts and it's like, well, if a guy's not providing

and if he not making over such and such,

and, you know, it's so many posts I see on a daily

basis about what guys need to be doing and how they need to be

doing it. And so I can see why they

would say, oh, this was, you know, coming. Reaching out

for help would be a struggle for them.

So when you start working with someone,

what is the first thing other than rating themselves on

those eight things? What are some mental things. Or

even if someone's like, I don't know if I should reach out yet. What are

some mental things that they should think about before or

while they're reaching out? Yes. So,

as I stated, I don't know if I stated it, but I am the

financial wellness coach and goal number one strategist for

goal driven planning. So one thing that I

definitely. I tell them. Cause someone asked me, who is your ideal

client? And I said, somebody that can tell me what their goals are, 5 seconds

or less. Because at the end of the day,

if a person doesn't know where they're going, they don't have a destination,

what are we doing? You know, like, and if

they. Because a lot of times, they know where they want to go,

but sometimes people just don't ask them, like, you know, do

you know where you're going to, like, you know, there's that song, too. And that

also, like, I'm very. I don't know if you caught it, caught onto it, but

I'm very musical, and so a lot of

songs kind of, like, resonate. And that's another reason why I had,

like, the wheel of life. If you noticed on the picture, it's like the racetrack.

It's like car. So Ruthie's road to 800, that's my

campaign to have a positive financial influence on

at least 800 dads and grads and

leadership position to help them thrive through their

major life transitions. And, yeah, like,

I'm all about having a destination. Like, this is a

gps. So, you know, we on Ruthie's road to 800,

a lot of times, they. They just want to. They want to increase their

credit score. So that's how I first started.

Started out doing credit repair and

going to Fincon. I spoke with a

representative with debt.com.

sorry. And he explained to me,

like, you know, you're not supposed to be charging to help somebody

repair their credit, which I didn't know that at the time,

but thank God for Finn Con because it allowed me

to grow into who I am now. And now, you know,

it challenged me to take a deeper dive into

why a person would have a low

credit score. Right? Like, what.

What is the problem? Like, where. What is the root cause

of this issue? And so the root cause of it, I

learned after doing research, was mental health. And

so that's how this ruthie, the truth, you know, this mission

evolved. The dads and Grads academy came to be dads and Grass

podcast came to be like, you know, it was born from that

interaction with John shout out to John Noble of

debt.com. just saying, you know, I'm here for sponsorships. Whenever y'all

ready. I love that. Shoot your shot.

Cause you never know. But shameless.

Podcast. Podcast. You know?

But I wanna dig into that a little bit, because

I'm just thinking, like, with the dads and I stuff out there,

or dads and grads, let's just say the fellas out there,

right, with the fellas, they

might want to impress, you know, whoever they're with or, you

know, maybe they're married in a relationship, and maybe

the wife or the girlfriend is really pressuring them

to have these funds and have this and do this and do

that. And so if someone's listening that's in that

type of situation, what is the first thing they need to, like,

walk through mentally in order to get things back

on track? Oh, I love that question.

That's like, ooh, that's what I like to call the

onion question. There's so many different layers to unpack

with that, right? So, you

know, starting with relate. So,

as far as relationships are concerned, period,

I always encourage the person to identify

their non negotiables, right? So

a lot of times, let's face it, I've been there myself. I've been out of

alignment with my ex husband. I've been out

of alignment with those thereafter.

And a lot of people, like, we fall into

this trap of social media and looking good for others

and keeping up with the Joneses and whatnot till we lose sight of

the depth. Like, everything is very superficial in this day and age.

And so I challenge the fellas to dig deeper,

right? Like, you know, even women, like, we know men are. Well, I've been told

by the men that men are visual creatures, right? So they're.

They don't really take the time out to kind of look deeper

into the person, like, who that woman really

is. And if, you know, I am very

spiritual. And, you know, I don't say too, I'm religious,

too. I believe in God. I believe in the Bible, right? And I believe that

God is my creator, and God created Eve, right? And so

the one which was the woman, right, for the man, if Adam was supposed

to do things by himself, he would not have. God would never have

created Eve to help, to be that helper to

him, right? So I tell the fellas,

like, you know, if you are with a woman that you feel

is financially draining you,

that there's something going on in you, that you are attracted.

What is it within you that's attracting her. Are you

trauma bonding? Because I've been there. Right.

If you are trauma bonding, let's get to the truth

of where that trauma comes from. And

usually it's because there is

a love language. Like the language. They're not speaking the same

language. Right. And it starts with love. Right. And God, is love.

Like, you know, love is an action word. So if you

feel like this woman is pressuring you, that means you must be

feeling like you're not loved. And if you're

not loved, like, what is your love language?

Most of them don't know. So they can go to the love language,

five love languages. They can type it up on Google right now for free. Free

99. That's always my language. That's the best part of what I

do, is providing people with free resources first, because I told them

my prices are pricing and it's for a reason.

Like, they will get. It's an investment. If you work

with Ruthy, the truth best believe it's an investment that you will get your

return on within eight weeks. And I've seen it in

less than eight weeks. But it'll. I tell people eight weeks just to give that

buffer because I don't know all of what they're going through in life and.

Or if they'll even listen. Yeah, well,

those that, when they invest. Oh, no. When they put their money in, they

listening. My price. That's why

my price is what it is. Because I was like, oh, so y'all gonna

list, you know, y'all. Y'all are coachable. Like, you know, that price

makes them coachable. So I very rarely have an issue with

that. The issue I do have is with them seeing the results happen in,

like, two weeks, and they drop off and they crash and burn

their finances, and then they're right back to the beginning all over again because

they did not do the work. So now I

lead with all of the free resources. For them to do the

initial work, they gotta know what they. When they come to root to the truth,

you need to know what is your primary love language, because

there's five. And you need to show me your

receipts that you did the work. You went on there. You know what your love

language is? You've done. I give them, usually the resource

of the book, adult children of

the emotionally immature parents. That is a really

good book that I tell them. I suggest them, if they can't purchase it, they

want to be frugal. Whatever I tell them, buy it because you're going to need

it and you're going to be taking notes throughout this whole journey of your life

and your financial whatever, like that is a part of it.

Your mental health as children, sometimes we are abused.

Sometimes we go through childhood trauma. Like, a lot of times, majority

of men, they go through childhood trauma and

they are groomed to suppress

it. And this is

what I'm learning. They go through a lot of childhood trauma. And

when a woman, when they choose a woman,

usually they are choosing a very verbally abusive

woman or financially abusive woman. And

they're doing that because it seems like that's

all they know. And so because they're not,

like, if their love language, for example, was words of affirmation

and their parents, their mother, which is the first woman in their life,

never tell, never affirms to like, their value.

They don't ever know. So whatever they're told,

those words are really sinking in deeper

than anybody else that, whose love language is not words. Like,

words mean a lot to them in acts of service.

If they're never, you know, if there is

neglect in any of their love language, that is the starting

point that they really need to identify, like, okay, this is who

I am. Because they have to know who they are first. And that woman that

they're with, they're either going, their

purpose is to lead her, she is to help

him, right? And so if that dynamic is

not there, he's going to stay in

debt, like, indefinitely because

it's. Everything is out of alignment, you know, and that

is the key to what I do, is to help them find

alignment. And a lot of times they tell me, well, I don't know what to

say to her or whatever. So one guy, I

told him because he wanted to know, like, oh, who are you? Like, what's this

workbook? I said, you know, this is a workbook to get your wife to submit

to you. Because he told me he was a husband, right?

And that literally just,

you know, God told me to say that. I was like, oh, you know what

I'm saying? I was like, you know, but are you being the leader that she

needs you to be? You know what I'm saying? Like. Cause he's like, yeah. Oh,

I want to get this book, I think. I'm pretty sure he bought the book.

And, you know, like. Cause that's the thing. Like, men,

men want us women to submit to them any. They

will not necessarily admit it, you know, because they're

taught, like, they have to get. They have to take that wall down

of just

being, knowing that we are nurturers by

nature. A woman should be. And if she's not, then she's

going through some kind of traumatic. It's trauma, period. Like, if they're

with a woman that is not nurturing to them, then that woman is going

through some kind of traumatic experiences that either she

was taught to suppress, or she just never went and sought

counseling, therapy, whatever, to heal herself. Because

hurt people are going to hurt people, and healed people are going to

heal. Like, you know, they're just going to have a healing energy. So it's usually

one or the other. And that's what I love about life, is a balance. Good,

bad, positive, negative, healed, Trump, traumatized.

Like, you know, this is really very

few gray areas when I. With dealing with

things of this nature, like, you know, like dealing with finances. Right. You either in

the red or you're in the black. What's the gray area?

Exactly. And that's what's scary for people, because there is no

gray area. It's either it's this or that, and then you

have to confront it. And I just wanted to back up real quick and just

break down the. Not break it down, but just mention the five love languages,

because I love that you brought that up. It's super important. So the five

are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts,

quality time, and physical touch. Highly recommend

getting the book, or at least just taking the quiz so you know where you

fall with those. Because a lot of times, like Ruthie's

saying, we just speak in different languages, and until we get on the

same page, it's gonna be, you know, it's just gonna be a mess. And that's

with any relationship. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It could be just

friendship, relationships, anything. It's really important that you know that

information, and I'll make sure I have links to that. And also the book

that she mentioned earlier and her book in the show

notes as well, because she is dropping so many gems, and I'm over here

needing to take notes my dang self,

because, like, this is good information not just for men, but for women,

too. Like, we have to see both sides of

what's going on in order to fully understand

and be aware. Because, like you said, men are

usually groomed to nothing, represent their feelings,

not share their feelings. And so as women, we

feel like we need to interpret how they feel. When a

lot of times we're wrong. I'm just being real. A lot of times we're wrong.

And so having that background information

and knowing that the stuff that you were talking about, I feel

could really help a lot of relationships here. And

so we save a relationships over here on the money talk with TIFF

podcast. Listen, girl, not only

that, but let me tell y'all, if y'all don't have the right protection, y'all might

have some more babies. You know, I'm just gonna put the disclaimer out there because

once they start really learning the love language, girl, we gonna have

to help them budget for the babies.

And we here for it. So we all the way here for it.

That's y'all listen, we gonna help y'all. Get to the bag,

you know, but I don't want you to give

it all away because we've already covered a lot

in the. Honestly, they just need to get the book. I feel like I need

to get the book, and I'm not even a target demographic. But if people

were interested in finding out more about you, your information,

where could they find you? Yes. So the

easiest place to find me is on my website at

www.ruthiethetruth.com.

for the listeners, that's www. Dot

Ruth ie.

And once that pops up, you have access

to all of my social media links. So

my Instagram, I'm primarily on Instagram with the wheel of life

Wednesday. I'm on YouTube. I'm on Facebook.

LinkedIn, TikTok.

Did I say more? Spotify. All of the above.

All of the above. You just find me. You type in Ruthie the truth on

Google, Google search,

you'll find it. And for the workbook, it is

available on Amazon. However, I am rolling out

a dads and grads edition that will include some

additional checklists and

more activities that I did not include in the original version

because that was just like, to get it out there. And there's a story, actually,

even behind how I ended up creating

this workbook, which was pretty much like

a testimony of a father that I was interviewing. Because when

I first started podcasting, I didn't know that,

you know, asking questions. There was an art to asking questions.

And I also didn't know how

emotional, how emotionally

attached men are to

their unborn child. And

I know that's a whole nother topic. We do a whole nother episode on

that. But ultimately, there was a father that I interviewed, and the question

that I asked him was, what were

your life experiences like? I'm

sorry, what. What was it like

becoming a father? No, I forgot how exactly the

question went. But it was like fatherhood. It was about fatherhood and the life transitions

of fatherhood before during and after becoming a

father for the very first time. And so the keyword

was the very first time. And one thing I didn't know was

that his response was one. I didn't. I didn't

think his response was going to hit me the way it hit, but the response

was that he suffered a miscarriage.

And that thing hit me like a ton of bricks, girl.

One, because I worked in

the hospital like, he knew I worked in the hospital

because we local and I used to work

in labor and delivery, and it reminded

me of how many patients I

register. I was a registrar at that little

backpack before I started doing this full time.

And I used to draw up the death certificates.

You know what I'm saying? I used to draw up the paperwork for the mothers.

I used to put the packets together, but there was nothing for the

fathers. And I'm like, I kind of felt guilty because I'm

like, dang, how did I miss that? And I

was in the one place that they had to be during that, the most

traumatic time in their life. And that's a very

vulnerable feeling for the mother. We

all know how vulnerable it is for the mothers, but it's equally,

if not more traumatic for the fathers because

now they still have to continue on with

whatever they're doing as the leader that they are meant to be

in that woman's life, in that family's life. And now

the child that they done had a baby shower for that. They

have these pampers. They have to go home to see all of this.

And, like, that could mess you up. Like,

he told me he, like, he didn't record it. Hopefully I

can get his recording if he's comfortable enough, because he has to be, you know,

publicly. I told him I'm on Spotify and, yeah, I

felt so, like, I don't even know what the word is. Like, I

felt horrible because I'm like, damn, what can I do to

help some, like, a father specifically, like that,

like, who's going through that emotional change

and nobody is paying attention to him

and how he's feeling about losing that child

that he will never get to hold in his arms. At least the mother, she

held that child in her body, but he would never get to hold that child

in his arms. And, yeah,

wheel of life workbook. I'm like, this was my

way to help him heal. And other men out there

that don't talk about how they suffer from

miscarriages and. Yeah, yeah, but

that. That's a whole nother topic because,

you know, it's. It's a thing. And every time I mention it,

men get very quiet. And

even me, I'm like, you know, usually you can't shut me up, but

I'm speechless because, you know, you never think about stuff

like that. Like, you just go on. And usually when the support

comes around, it's usually for the woman. It's not usually for the man.

And so, yeah, that's really deep. And, y'all, I'll make sure I have

all of these links and all this information in the show notes, so make sure

you check that out. But I think we just gonna leave it there

because that is a deep story. And

knowing that that is what's behind this book,

y'all need to get it. So thank you so much, Ruthie, for coming on

today, and I appreciate you sharing all of this insightful

information and your story with my audience.

Well, thank you so much, Tiff, for having me. It has been such a

pleasure connecting with you this morning and,

you know, just having an opportunity to share

and hopefully have a positive financial impact

on all the dads and grads that are listening to this

episode. And grads are also women, by the way. So I

want them. I want that part to be there, you know, because a lot of

times the men, you know, there's always this men from Mars, women from Venus

thing, and they feel like, you know, we're the enemy. Like, nah,

bro, we're nothing. You know, like, just because we graduated, just because we kind of

had to level up, like, know that there's a connection.

So that's another reason why, you know, is layers to this thing,

dads and grads. So it's really to have to foster the

togetherness. So. Yes, and I love

it. I love it. Thank you. Right,

cuz. But thank you so much, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of

your day. Bye. Thank you for listening, joining

and being a part of the Money Talk with TIFF podcast this week. You can

check tiff out every Thursday for a new Money talk podcast. But

if you just cant wait until next week, you can listen to previous podcast

episodes@moneytalkwitht.com or

follow TIFF on all social media platforms at

moneytalkwitht. Until next time, spend wise

by spending less than you make a word to the money wise is

always sufficient.