How to Talk to Your Parents About Money | Ep. 379

Money is often dubbed as one of the last taboos—especially within families. Many of us grew up in households where discussing finances was either limited or riddled with tension. Yet, as we move into adulthood (and watch our parents age), conversations about money become not just helpful, but crucial. On a recent episode of the Money Talk With Tiff podcast, host Tiffany Grant sat down with Etinosa Agbonlahor, author of How to Talk to Your Parents About Money. The conversation was not just insightful, but packed with actionable advice for anyone struggling to bridge financial conversations across generations.

Drawing from the podcast episode, this blog post will dive deep into why these chats are so tough, how you can prepare yourself, strategies for making the conversation productive, and common pitfalls to avoid.

Why Talking to Parents About Money Is So Hard

For many, the idea of talking to parents about money conjures up anxiety and discomfort. As Tiffany points out, it’s not just about numbers; it’s about relationships, expectations, and sometimes, generational wounds.

Etinosa explains that every person—parents and adult children alike—bring “baggage” into financial discussions. Our backgrounds, beliefs about money, and past experiences shape our perspectives, often without us realizing it. These ingrained beliefs, called “money scripts,” can make conversations feel loaded, personal, or even threatening.

She shares a vivid anecdote from her own life, relaying the story of a mother who regretted buying expensive shoes for her daughters—fearing it would weaken their resilience should they ever need to stand alone financially. This type of fear, deeply rooted in personal experience, often drives negotiations around money more than we realize.

Prepare Yourself for the Conversation

“Prepare yourself before you even have the conversation,” Etinosa advises. Here's how you can do it:

1. Reflect on Your Own Money Scripts

Before picking up the phone or sitting around the dinner table, spend time considering your own subconscious beliefs about money. Ask yourself:

• What messages did you internalize about money growing up?
• Are you inclined to save, or spend?
• Do you view money as a source of security, stress, or something else?

Understanding your own scripts allows you to recognize bias in your perspective—and opens you up to empathy.

2. Get Clear on Your Objective

Don’t approach the talk with a vague intent to “talk about money.” Are you hoping to learn about your parents’ retirement plans? Eager to encourage them to buy life insurance? Or do you simply want to start a habit of financial transparency in your family? Knowing your “why” will help keep the conversation focused and productive.

3. Commit to Listening

Finances are inherently emotional. Much of a parent’s reaction—be it defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal—may stem from their own scripts or experiences. Etinosa urges listeners to “prepare to listen” and truly hear your parents’ perspectives without judgment or interruption.

Conversation Starters That Work

Starting the conversation is often the hardest part. Etinosa recommends a strategy of vulnerability: “Lead with ‘I.’”

Instead of launching into your concerns or requests, begin by sharing something about your own financial journey:

• “I’ve started looking at my own retirement savings…”
• “I’ve been exploring options for life insurance because I want to make sure my kids are covered…”
• “Managing debt has been on my mind lately… What was your approach?”

By opening up, you signal that this isn’t an interrogation, but an invitation to share experiences and foster mutual understanding.

Don’t Expect To Solve Everything—Make it a Habit

A key gem from the episode: It’s unreasonable to expect a single conversation to address every concern. Rather, as Etinosa suggests, “Don’t put too much weight on the conversation and expect that you’re only ever going to talk about money one time and then you’re done.”

Instead:

• Think of the first talk as planting a seed.
• Back off if you sense defensiveness; try again after some time.
• Normalize money talk as a recurring, evolving dialogue—not a once-and-done event.

This approach makes it less intimidating for everyone. Over time, small conversations build trust and a shared understanding.

The Power of Timing and Body Language

Timing is everything. The right moment could be during a relaxed family brunch, not at the end of a stressful event or travel day. Check everyone’s energy levels—are they open and receptive, or tired and stressed?

Additionally, pay attention to non-verbal cues:

• Are their arms crossed?
• Is their posture closed off?
• Do you notice them shrinking away or turning defensive in tone?

Etinosa stresses that body language can tell you when to pause and pivot the conversation—or to switch to a different, less-charged topic.

Understanding Emotional Reactions

Tiffany shares an example where talking about life insurance with a loved one led to a comical but telling reaction—they thought she was pushing life insurance because she wanted to benefit from their demise! While it was funny in retrospect, it also revealed just how much fear and bias can cloud these talks.

If you’re met with anger, sarcasm, or personal jabs, take a breath. Remind yourself that these are defense mechanisms—more about their internal scripts than about you. As Tiffany says, “This is not them really talking…it’s their fear.”

Begin with Empathy, Grow with Practice

Don’t let fear or awkwardness prevent you from starting these vital conversations. By reflecting on your own attitudes, leading with vulnerability, and approaching your parents with empathy, you can turn “the money talk” from a source of dread into a tool for family growth and security.

Want more resources? Listen to the full Money Talk With Tiff podcast episode, and explore Etinosa’s book for conversation scripts and action steps you can implement right away. Remember: When it comes to family and finances, the most important step is often the first.

FAQs: Talking to Parents About Money